Do You Have the Courage to Be with Reality?

“We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork.”
― Terry Pratchett

One of the recurring themes in my life, ever since childhood, has been the potential of living fully in the present—the here and now. I vividly remember sitting at the dinner table with my mum and sister, and if Mum noticed one of us drifting off into our thoughts, she would repeat her mantra: “Here and now, boys, here and now,” gently urging us back to the moment. At the time, it was mildly annoying, but now I understand the power of her words. The present moment is where it’s at.

Have you ever experienced this? You wake up on a “good day,” and everything seems to be going your way. The birds are chirping, there’s delicious food in the fridge for breakfast, the sunlight streams through the window, and the shower feels hot and refreshing. You feel grateful, alive, and ready to embrace the world. All is bright.

Then, the following day, you wake up, and the same birds are singing, the same food is in the fridge, the sun is shining just as brightly, and the shower is still hot… yet all you feel is dullness, lethargy, or even a sense of doom, with a critical inner voice lurking, ready to judge. All is grey.

On these "grey days," nothing on the outside has changed, but your inner experience has shifted—and not for the better.

Sometimes it can be really clear when something has triggered us negatively —like losing a job, having a partner end a relationship, or worrying about a family member or a pet who is unwell. And sometimes it’s not so clear.

In both cases, what do you tend to do?

The most common response to feeling down is to avoid or distract ourselves from what we’re feeling. We use countless unconscious techniques to numb or cover up our emotions. Our culture offers no shortage of ways to escape: eating, drinking, smoking, spending, gossiping, complaining, scrolling, trolling, arguing, or simply keeping busy—the list goes on!

In my own life, I’ve dealt with uncomfortable feelings by smoking a joint, controlling my food intake, or attending the next personal growth workshop. It’s a seemingly odd combination, but it’s true. It’s important to note that none of these behaviors are inherently "bad." This isn’t about judging ourselves or labeling things as right or wrong. Everything needs to be seen in context, as part of the human experience. What I’m really exploring here is our tendency to escape what’s happening in the present. Like most unconscious patterns developed during childhood, we learned to avoid reality because it felt too overwhelming, confusing, or painful. So, we checked out, and for a while, that worked.

But what else can we do instead?

Face Reality, Take Responsibility, and Make a Choice

Reality is what is happening right now. It’s not your judgments, interpretations, or projections—those are what distort it. To reconnect with reality, use your senses.

What do you see? For instance, maybe you notice a pile of dishes in the sink. This is reality. Thinking “This is just one more chore in an endless list of chores” is your interpretation. 

What do you feel? Perhaps sadness, anger, or embarrassment—these are real feelings. Thinking “I feel like such a loser for not doing the dishes” is a judgment, not a feeling.

Can you see the difference between reality and the stories we attach to it?

Responsibility means taking ownership of your experience. For example, there’s a pile of dishes in the sink, and you feel angry while your ego whispers that you’re a failure. Once you acknowledge your reality, you can then choose to respond differently and take responsibility for your next steps.

Make a Choice—There Are Endless Possibilities!

You can choose to wash the dishes, not wash the dishes, do one dish an hour, or even one dish a day! You can acknowledge your anger, express it, or channel it creatively. You can recognize the inner critic calling you a loser and respond to it—greet it, say no to it, or firmly set boundaries. The possibilities are limitless!

When we begin to discern between reality and our interpretations of it, we open up the space to take clear, intentional steps toward creating a responsible and authentic life. The creativity that arises from being grounded in reality is boundless. We can manifest anything from where we are, as long as we summon the courage to face the present moment.

Here are some questions to support you in this process:

• What is actually happening in your life right now? (e.g., experiences and behaviors)

• What would you like to create? (Your vision and goals)

• What is getting in the way of being there? (e.g., ego voice, limiting beliefs, or harmful behaviors)

• What needs to be cleared, cleaned up, addressed, or faced?

Click at the top of the page to watch my video and contemplate the above. 

 “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.”
—Byron Katie

Originally published October 2024 in my monthly series Liv Unearthed